From Being Rich & Entitled to Doing Humble House Chores

The best things about writing a blog is that all your thoughts are let out into the universe. I’m quite thankful I never get a response back because I’ll never know what to expect. It’s like taking out your emotions on a puppy. Only they look at you with concern eyes and don’t judge you like a human usually does.

So the internet is like that for me right now. A one-sided conversation. An outlet for words as it usually springs at me. And If I get lucky, I get to write it down. This is one instance.

I’ve haven’t been called by my usual workplace at Caloundra since the holidays ended and I was getting worried about the rent and all the other bills that I had.

A similar event happened last year before the holidays and the very mistake I did was wait. I waited my ass off, working at other personal artworks when I realized that the possibility of looking for something new was the way to go.

You see I’m an international student, waiting for the next semester to start which is in March.  I’m also a consistent worker, not used to just bumming around for weeks on end, endlessly lying on the couch and looking at my phone. No offense to those who do that, I’m just simply saying, I can’t sit still.

My gift of design and art needed to come one and be expressed. So what better way to do than to start looking for new opportunities online, via the student hub and facebook work groups?

But this is not a story about finding work as I am still doing that and waiting for a response from the offices I applied to. It’s a story about what I learned during my weeks of not working. The weeks were I was alone with my thoughts and how It helped me grow more maturely.

I could never forget the opening song of Orange is the New Black where Regina Specter sang, “Taking steps is easy, standing still is hard.” It very much felt that way.

Waiting for a phone call to go to work when weeks have past and still nothing.

The first thing that went off in my head was the idea I was not talented enough. That my kind of work wasn’t truly welcomed into the space it once flourished. So as these thoughts come and go, I got busy with my camera. A full schedule was ahead of me. I spent sometimes going to university and having photoshoots with a few friends, practicing taking angles when it comes to portraiture.

I also focused on hand-written typography. Making quotes from scratch I had different songs and books as my inspiration. I also had some inquiries to so do freelance design work which was quite nice.

Yet from time to time, the security of having a consistent weekly income always got to me.

There would be no challenge when asking money from my parents. I wanted to pave my own path in life. And I love the idea that I was making my own money. A dear friend told me it was pride. I realized afterward that I like to push myself too much and didn’t know when and how to ask for help.

It felt great to get out of my comfort zone, away from the house, from my parents, from people who know me. 2017 was a year of reinvention. It was a time when I read the book “The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck” by Mark Manson and saw how an entitled brat I was back at home. It was so easy for me to ask for money and to earn money with the amount I got back then. I had my pillars built strong, high and mighty, that I forgot to look down and notice how much of a doof I was becoming.

And now, 2 weeks later and still not a word from my employer, I felt more into survival mode than ever. Away from home, from my loaded parents. From a house I don’t have to pay for. From a ready meal where maids would cook and serve three times a day. From my sisters who I can talk to when I am emotionally unstable.

I was away from all of that. I was OUT of my comfort zone. The one thing I have is my girl. We’ve supported each other since getting here. We also got a cat to help with homesickness. Yet despite this, I can’t shake the feeling that I am 100% responsible with my life from now on.

The thought and weight of it crushed me at one point. Especially during the weeks of no work. So aside from my artistic endeavors, I also focused most of my time in doing the chores. Living all my years with help around the house, I was not so great at jumping into cleaning and washing up. Like I said, I was entitled. I never used to help around at first. All I did was work so many hours and hope that the money I was earning for the house was enough responsibility.

Then the time came when my girl had to go on her placement for 3 full weeks. She would work on the weekends which made her VERY tired. So there was no doing of chores for her. I was on cleaning duty for the whole three weeks. Learning how to wash dishes, cleaning, doing the washing up, cooking and even driving. I was doing so much work that I honestly grew tired of feeling like the help. But the whole time I did it, I noticed how much faster I got when moving around the house. I got faster with doing the dishes and faster when it comes to the laundry. I even figured the right times of the day when It’s perfect for the wash to be done so the clothes will try without hassle. It was spotless work as I was only doing freelance online design jobs.

It was the unintended physical and life training I should have learned years before but never did. Well, until now.

Aside from new found skills, I guess the biggest, most profound learning experience for me was how much I’ve come to grow into my own skin. How brave I can be to set of driving into different places without the fear of talking to strangers. How one can find calm by meditation and running. How being away from it all did not matter as much as I thought it would. And how amazing it feels to take control and make decisions not only because you need food on the table, but because you’re happy to do the job. All this, I’ve learned to notice and appreciate. So I am quite excited for 2018 and what it has in store for me. It would be my last year of study too. Hopefully, the path I am building takes me into great, fulfilling, challenging and amazing directions.

NOTE: All images, hand-written type, and quote graphics were made by me. Inspired from the books I mentioned above and from a cartoon show at Netflix called, BoJack Horseman. You can see more on my Insta account: sainah.benz

Thanks for reading!

Early morning coffeescapade from a night owl

When it comes to drinking coffee, my usual go to is a large cup of Mocha with a teaspoon of honey. The sweeter it is the better. I’ve been drinking so many cups for the past few months. This started when I needed to drive my roomie down at Caloundra for her 6 am placement shifts. I was never a morning person.

I’d usually be up late all night, enjoying some quality creativity time til 2 AM and wake up at 9 AM. My lifestyle, however, went from being a night owl to an early bird when I went back to university.

So imagine us rushing at 4:30 am to drive 25 minutes every Thursday and Friday was no picnic. Yet with every seemingly sluggish situation, I find an opportunity. Most days, after dropping Mona (roomie babes) off, I’d drive down to the beach and look for a place to do school work or do some design freelance. I’d end up searching coffee shops the night before, checking if the food is affordable and if there was access to wifi.

So every morning when I drive her, I get to visit a new coffee shop or a new beach. I get to appreciate the sun rising on the other end of the sea and just watch as the waves hit the rocks where I was sitting on. I’d take walks and discover a path where Mangroves grow. I get to talk to people, asking them for directions and just happy to be conversing with someone new. They were all very friendly and wanted to help out the best they can. I’ve been asked many times where I got my accent, but I knew they meant where I came from originally.

A few mistook me as Japanese. I smiled and mention proudly I was Filipino. By then, I realised that one day, everyone would walk every part of the world. No boundaries of race or religion. One day, the beauty of no judgments will be real. The world will just be one. An idea I overheard from a drunken father while he was paying his bill at a Japanese restaurant near our home. It was fascinating how other people see things and how they vocalise their ideas once they’re intoxicated. For now, people wanted to relate, thus the question of culture is still the usual conversation starter.

During the journey, my right foot got badly injured. I was walking with it the whole time, not knowing it had a fracture. I’d limp by the seaside, carefully picking out the right stone to step on. Then I’d sit at the largest, flattest mass I can find and soak in the sun. I’d take photographs of birds scraping for food then fly off where the winds will take them. Then I’d walk back to the parking lot and strike up a conversation with an old man who just 25 minutes ago, was in the sea trying to catch a good wave.

After that, I’d find a bench by the shore, close my eyes, meditate for 10 minutes and appreciate the many sounds of my surroundings. Being present at that very moment. I was not in touch with my senses for the longest time. But Sunshine Coast, a place where people understand the importance of pausing, was so far from the busy city where I was used to. I need not have an excuse to keep my mind at ease. To keep me emotionally healthy and physically aware. The people here understand the impact of meditation and calm. And so I close my eyes with them and appreciate the simple life and its beauty that surrounded me.

Aside from being out by the water, I would do this mostly with a cup of hot coffee in my hand. I’ve been to numerous coffee places, yet I don’t usually end up in commercialized establishments. I mostly go to those privately owned businesses where they design their own interiors and have real chalkboards to show their menu. The ones with bikes and surfboards hanging from the walls and where there would be an open area right next to a giant forest of tall trees. I’d hear the birds sing often and think how blessed I am to go on this kind of adventure.

I’ve been chasing success and money and a “socially-postable” lifestyle to impress my parents and other people, realising that I needed to forget all of that and start finding peace and clarity within myself is more important. There is a lot more to learn, but I am glad that where I am right now, I feel is where I should be.

Hobbling at Costigan Mangrove Boardwalk

The alarm would buzz us awake at 5 AM and we’d have enough time to scramble around to freshen up and heat up some food for the road. I’d drop off Mona at her placement by 6 AM at Caloundra and wait til two in the afternoon to pick her up.

I’d have 8 hours on my plate. Last week, I drove around and visited 3 different beaches and a hidden coffee shop within the area. Since I was still healing from my sprain, the doctor advised walking around so my foot can start feeling normal.

My first stop was at Golden Beach. My intention was to look for a good spot where I can sit and get some work done but I felt like I needed a break. I walked around with my trusty Canon 650D DSLR and took photos of the sun coming up. The view was amazing but the only seat I could watch it from was already occupied by a giant crow. Giving respect to its space (honestly just scared shit cause of its size) I moved on and saw a few people coming out from the woods.

The trees were tall and I couldn’t make out what was on the other side so I hobbled (really) towards the edge of a boardwalk and read Costigan Mangrove BoardWalk.

Oh perfect I said using my inside voice and dragged my bruised foot inside. The view of the sunset from the edges was amazing. I took loads of pictures and listen to the birds singing. I tried taking pictures of the wildlife around me but they were too shy and hid behind the many roots of low wet soil.

It was a short walk but literally breathtaking. Like a walking yoga if there was such a thing. A very good morning to me indeed! Next on the list was a short drive to Shelley beach which I will right on the next day.

I’m giving myself an hour to write everyday cause I think It’s good creative exercise.

Thanks for reading peeps!

For more creative photos follow my Instagram: http://www.instagram.com/sainah.benz

or check out our freelance design agency website and let’s collaborate: http://www.kulaycreatives.wordpress.com

Sea Salts and Laces

There were no more spaces for me to park as I got to Point Cartwright Beach. I was meeting a friend for a photoshoot. We’ve been planning this for the longest time since we were classmates in Entrepreneur Growth back at the university. The week had been too busy. Working as a Designer, I had my eyes glued to a computer screen for more than 12 hours every day. My eyes could use the rest so I wanted it behind a camera’s eyepiece for the weekend.

The week had been too busy. Working as a Designer, I had my eyes glued to a computer screen for more than 12 hours every day. My eyes could use the rest so I wanted it behind a camera’s eyepiece for the weekend.

I was waiting for a car to go out a drive slot when a small pink vehicle slowly pulled up behind me. It was Jy-leigh, my model. We laughed and waved excitedly. She was with her boyfriend, Toby. I made a quick turn around and drove until we both found parking spots near the pier where everyone had picnics and barbeques while waiting for the sun to go down.

The sun sets in Sunshine Coast are breathtaking! We were chasing this moment as the natural lighting was perfect for the mood of the shoot.

We made our way down the beach to find a vast rock formation area. Jy-leigh, already halfway down the pile of rocks had nicely stepped over the beach’s obstacles. I was fairly new to this so it took me a while to go down. My brain was figuring out where and which rock to step on next to avoid slipping.

Processed with VSCO with a5 preset

“Wait for me! You’re Australian so I’m pretty sure you are very used to this!” I called out while looking at her bare feet. If I walked barefoot down the beach I’d reach the waters bleeding. Point Cartwright had this good strong wind that played our hair around. The salt was unmistakable after I’ve briefly spoken and tasted my lips. We took it’s direction and used that effect to our advantage.

I finally made it to the shore where we’d hang out for the next hour and make our magic.While shooting, the sea waters and winds made a faint film on my glasses, making it a bit blurry for me to see. I squinted for a bit to adjust my sight and decided to just take off my glasses.

Low and behold, all the contrast of colours on the moss covered rocks and the blue of the sea were in vivid visuals! Awestruck, I just stood there, peacefully watching my surroundings. I’ve always wished my eyesight was better. And this was one of those moments.

Jy-leigh, was already on a far off rock, posing beautifully against the waves. She had been doing Yoga and her form and body were just perfect for the shoot. The pictures say it all.

As they most creative individuals quote, the photographer is as good as the model they are shooting. I was quite lucky I get to meet her during my studies here in Australia.

Less than two hours, we packed up and said our goodbyes.
The real biz starts after driving to the university to sit in a quiet spot at the library and pick the best from a bunch.

I love the whole process of taking photographs. And how I feel fulfilled when I finish colour editing the ones that were chosen. I’d want to do this until I get old, I’d think most of the time.

This Valentines, love was popularised by marketing as a couples day when in reality, it’s the expression of all kinds of love. The love between family, friends, a hobby, a pet and even yourself. It is expressed in different ways which make it so colourful and beautiful.

Thanks for reading and Happy Valentines everyone!

Shots were taken by me with a Canon 450D. Colours post processed on #vscocam

The feeling Of Change. Living in Australia.

Australia. It was a 2-year plan to start living abroad, experiencing an independent lifestyle while studying and living amongst strangers that would soon be my friends. It was truly a dream come true. I decided one day that I’d go about shooting pictures around the beach, just walking around and loving the chilly wind of a drizzle. As I look into the sea, I’d always want to pinch myself. Wow. I am in fucking Australia!

For most people, change is hard. It’s a challenge that may either result in fear or growth. And this, for me, was a mix of both. I remembered how we went to an Australian school expo back in the Philippines. There were a dozen great choices but one school won me over simply because it was near the beach. Automatically, the thought that If I’d be knackered from studying, working part-time and doing all the house chores myself, I’d love to see the seaside more than once in a week.

So here we are, living life just fifteen minutes away from the beach. Australia’s Sunshine Coast, as they say, is a tourist spot where most come and go to enjoy the sun. I’ve loved the idea that everyone we’re speaking in English as I’ve never properly engaged with it back home. Judgemental eyes would seep into what came out of my mouth and the reality of it was, most people assume a lot about another simply because you spoke a different language. I know I shouldn’t be bothered, yet I am. It was an enormous nail wrenched out of my system. Open-mindedness is a gift within society. I’d bravely say my hometown lacks a lot of that.

Living outside the family, outside of people who you grew up is honestly, freeing. I miss everyone a whole lot, yet there is something about moving away that gives you peace.

As I ponder about these deep life ideas, I would take walks around Mooloolaba beach. I’d enjoy watching people and giving a moment of myself. With Canon in my pack, I’d take the shots of beautiful animals or people or scenery and freeze that moment forever.

The attitude of liking change and having hopefully, healthy ideas around it is good. Change isn’t easy of course. Whether its origin is from a sad beginning or a happy one, it sets a path that anyone can choose how to end up. I ended up here, working two jobs, studying my second degree in design and striking up a conversation with good-natured strangers. Every different moment, whether it’s riding the bus to work or feeling the mood when the sun sets, everything is authentic, real, and truly worth breathing in. I am thankful every day.