Lost in my own world, my nose was always buried in scary novels, hitting buttons on the PlayStation controller, doing hand written short novels on a notebook or buried in tons of paper, sketching anime for hours.
I’ve never built relationships when I was younger and discovered how little social skills I had when high school came.
I was an irritant. Making sure people heard me when I speak, laughing at the wrong things and saying inappropriate topics at the worst of times. I envy most of my friends for being “alright”. There was no formula to a perfect self when growing up, only experiences and how one was brought up.
Yearning for company and companionship, pleasing everyone seemed like my soul’s purpose. My years after college were the worst as I buried myself in bad drinking habits, wrong decisions, heartaches, lost friendships and a pile of insecurities. I kept looking for anything genuinely real and realized how masked I was and for how long the game of pretend was going on.
Then I’ve met new people, those who saw me in my worst and my best and stayed despite all the bullshit. It was amazing and I realized how living for other people is like breathing clean air. I looked back at old friends and family and realized I’ve never lost them. It was I who walked away.
Now, when I run every morning, I look at faces, smile and build a 1-second warmth of human connection. I call restaurant employees by their first name as long as it shows on their name tag. I say thank you often and let somone know ahead when plans change. I talk to strangers and converse randomly when my attention calls for it. It is rare and quite scary to do that in the Philippines so most people protect themselves. There is always a right place for all of this. But I keep in mind to be kind.
Posting feel good messages, sharing thoughts and ideas and listening to someone, helping family, laughing with friends, scheduling dates, crying when sad, talking to someone I trust, making time for hobbies and building new honest and real relationships. All these were the most basic human actions one can feel good from, yet I had ignored all this as chased something I thought would make me whole.
My mistakes were blessings that pushed me to find what’s not just the good in me, but also the good in others. And now seeing the good in life as well. When you start healing your core, you heal holistically and the people around you feels it. Better yet, they grasp the happiness and share it with others.
My simple advice? Love. Make yourself smile. Make others smile in little ways. Treasure time. Eat right. Get a pet. Exercise more. Read nice things. Feel nice things. Go places. Don’t spend all in one place. Hug someone. Allow to be hugged. Live.
All shots were taken by me using different lomography cameras and we’re collected over the years. Thanks for reading!
Remembering my dear neice who had passed away. Thank you for teaching us how to live better and how death is part of it all. We love you.
Benz is Street Snapping 